I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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