If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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