I look better un-naked...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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