i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
