Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
