yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
