why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize