I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
