Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
