so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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