life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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