I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
