the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
