I don't usually arrange sex via text message
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
