I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Houston, we have a blender
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
