I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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