So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm bleeding and have questions
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
