using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
