Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
