I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize