he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
