Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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