Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
