nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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