You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
