nut hugger
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
