Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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