it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
