I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
