my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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