I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
