so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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