yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I supernannyed him into submission
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
