dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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