I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
