ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
