I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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