And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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