one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
