Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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