dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
