i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
