the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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