Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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