Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
