I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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