he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
