i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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