Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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