Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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