My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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