I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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