he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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