Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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