I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
