I wannas sexs uuuuu
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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