I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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