Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
