As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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