You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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