Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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