every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
