Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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