I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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