Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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