its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
