Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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