She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize