No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
