I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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