That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
