Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize