I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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