god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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