just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
