Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
