I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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