Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
