I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
