He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
