watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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